The Pine
Friday, October 31, 2003
AP Headline of the Day
"Statement by John Edwards on House Issue"
That noise you hear is the universe yawning.
Good for the Marlins
Despite being a diehard Yankees fan, part of me is glad the Marlins won, striking a blow to theories of economic determinism. Who’s a better musician, Britney Spears or Yo-Yo Ma? But how can that be, when Britney could buy and sell Yo-Yo? (I smell a new reality series.) Likewise, who’s the better pitcher, Josh Beckett at $1.725 million, or Jose Contreras at $5.5 million?
The teams that made the playoffs this year occupied the following ranks in total payroll: 1, 3, 4, 5, 8, 15, 20, and 21. Hardly an overwhelming argument that money solves everything, and to the extent that it does (solve things), I’m OK with it. Just like I wouldn’t want teams to simply buy titles, I wouldn’t want to reward franchises that don’t invest in their on-field talent to the best of their abilities.
So for reasons of grander purpose, I’m OK with Florida winning the series, but of course a larger part of me smarts. Which is why it was satisfying to see the dazzling cover headline on this week’s Sports Illustrated: “The Marlins.” That’s the headline. I guess they nixed: “Baseball Team,” or “Team Wins Competition.” As spirited as they are, the Marlins are a bland bunch, in a non-baseball city, so let’s hope another cash-strapped team makes the statement next time around.
NBA East, or Hide the Women and Children
Delaying my thoughts on the NBA season has allowed me to avoid pitfalls like predicting the immediate ineffectiveness of LeBron James, who seems poised to make a run at MVP. Well, he would seem poised for that if the Cavs were going to win more than four games.
Speaking of Cleveland, the East can be summed up quickly, and what else is new?
The Knicks are liable to finish in the basement. As friend to Riding the Pine AB put it earlier this fall: “Could there be a more poorly constructed team in pro sports than the Knicks?? They have 11 forwards on their roster (4 of whom are undersized), no center, and 3 backup point guards.” True enough. This led me to suggest that the team rename itself the New York Eleven Forwards, and change its logo to a silhouette of eleven men of identical height.
Keith Van Horn seems like an OK guy, but leaning on him as a key component is just screaming that you'd be happy to win 40 games. New York will be lucky to win that many. Best-case scenario would require reverting to the style they perfected with Charles Oakley, of wrestling opponents to the ground and winning 42-39. Even then, I think the current Knicks would be on the 39 end of the stick more often than not.
Look at the rest of the East and try not to get queasy: Atlanta, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Chicago, Miami, Toronto – a mélange of teams that are either undersized, way too green, or Canadian. Allen Iverson and Tracy McGrady make Philadelphia and Orlando watchable, but Derrick Coleman and Andrew DeClercq make Philadelphia and Orlando also-rans.
Washington will be better without Michael Jordan. (Send that sentence in a time capsule to someone in 1995, and watch as their head explodes.) Boston will ride Paul Pierce to a decent season, but … can you hear me twiddling my thumbs until I get to the West? So let’s fast forward a bit: The Nets feel done, in a Michael-Jackson-in-1988 kind of way; with the West so stacked, they’ve got nowhere to go but down. Where would you find motivation if you had won your conference twice but knew that 10 teams on the other side of the tracks could take you in the Finals?
Indiana has been the NBA’s Frankenstein the past few seasons, never adding up to the sum of its parts, and that should continue. (Is Reggie Miller an android? He must be 70 now, but still looks 16.)
Last year’s Pistons team just feels like a fluke. I don’t see Ben Wallace and Rip Hamilton alone getting them back to the conference finals.
I like New Orleans to win the East. Baron Davis should bounce back, and if they can keep steady without Mashburn (they’re 2-0) so far, they should be that much more balanced and dangerous when he gets back. In the West, they’d be ninth, at best. In the East, champs!
Speaking of the West….
Let the Women and Children Back in the Room
If RTP ever leans mostly to concerns in Dallas and New York, that’s because RTP has spent considerable time in both places. (For third-person fun, substitute “Bo Jackson” for “RTP” in the previous sentence and imagine it coming from Bo’s mouth.)
So we start with the Mavericks, who could very well win home-court advantage through the playoffs. In a seven-game series, the Lakers and Spurs still get the benefit of the doubt, because none of the Mavericks’ 37 potential leading scorers matches up against Shaq or T-Dunk. (Duncan doesn’t seem like the type to have his name truncated like that, does he? All the more reason to do it.) But I figure Dallas’ penchant for scoring 449 points a game will allow for a bloated regular-season record. Also, watch for the first-ever triple-digit NBA betting line when the Mavs are favored by 109 over the Knicks.
As friend to Riding the Pine BB notes: “Dallas now has three capable-to-all-star point guards (Steve Nash, Travis Best, Tony Delk). And Antawn Jamison and Antoine Walker are the same player, really. And Dirk Nowitzki's a taller version of that player, and Michael Finley's a shorter version of that player.”
I think having different versions of that player is fine, as long as that player is an all-star, which he is. The one disturbing note in Dallas was pointed out by friend to Riding the Pine JF, who asked if the Mavericks were wearing tin foil in their opening-night loss to the Lakers. It did appear as such in the photos seen by RTP. But so long as no one puts the Mavericks in a microwave, they should meet with great success.
Now, having said that Dallas could win the West, let me promptly say that the Lakers could go 82-0. The Kobe Bryant spectacle allowed prognosticators to deceive themselves of the plain truth that once had everyone quaking: The Lakers feature Gary Payton, Karl Malone, Shaq, and Kobe. They’re only missing Jimmy from Hoosiers. Even without Kobe, they should be favored to win it all. Payton is of a different order than anything the current dynasty has featured at point guard, and that combined with Shaq’s presence in the paint should equal a title, Devean George or no.
It feels like the Kings’ window of opportunity has slammed on their fingers. The Spurs will have to ride Duncan – er, T-Dunk – more than ever to win another title, but that feels entirely possible.
The rest of the conference is packed with individual stories worth watching – Yao, Amare, Ray Allen (couldn’t they leave the East anything? Milwaukee gives Allen to the Sonics and then houses Payton for a blink before he bolts to L.A. It’s like the Bucks are the West’s talent launderer. At least that gives them some identity.) But it’s fantasy to imagine a team other than one of the Big Four coming out of the West. Minnesota? Phoenix? Houston? No way.
Predictions: New Orleans over Jersey in East finals. Lakers over Dallas in West. Lakers over New Orleans 3-0 in the Finals (only 3 because the Hornets will collectively skip town before Game 4).
Monday, October 27, 2003
AP Headline of the Day
"Toronto Man Is Rock-Paper-Scissors Champ"
That must have been the hottest ticket in town.
Friday, October 24, 2003
Wasn't It A Yankee (Yogi) Who Taught Us When It's Over?
Why are people already sending me condolences about the Yankees? They could easily lose this series, but the eagerness of some to revel in the Yanks' demise might come back to haunt them.
A friend of RTP recently sent an e-mail linking to a Forbes story that highlighted the discrepancy between the payrolls of the Marlins and Yankees. So what? How many consecutive years do several big-money teams (Dodgers, Mets) have to miss the playoffs while lower-budget teams go deep into the postseason (Anaheim, Florida) before people realize payroll is only one factor, and can just as easily be a detriment as a strength? (Ask the Dodgers how much they enjoyed spending $12.4 million on Darren Dreifort's services in 2003. Grossly overpaid to begin with, he was also out for the year in early June with an injury, at which point he was 4-4. That followed another 4-win season in 2002. At least he's consistent.)
As in life outside of Major League Baseball, money does not bestow wisdom or luck upon its owners, nor does it stave off the will and talent of those with thinner checkbooks (i.e., the Marlins).
Wanted: Quarterback
News from Denver that the Broncos are down to their fourth-string quarterback, and he himself is not feeling well. Any RTP readers free this weekend? Perhaps you could find it in your heart to take a snap or two.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Thanks, Elliott
RTP will branch out on a semi-regular basis from the world of sports, so I'll join the many who have already mourned the passing of Elliott Smith -- a talented musician, and certainly one of the best lyricists of his generation. He left behind a number of great songs, all of which, one had hoped, were slightly exaggerated in their melancholy for artistic effect. Those songs would have long outlived him even had he grown to old age.
AP Headline of the Day
"Testimony Read Back to Quattrone Jurors"
Is this news? Doesn't it have the ring of a fake headline that The Onion would use to point out the horrible pedestrian nature of real life, like: "Order repeated to fast-food drive-through box."
Monday, October 20, 2003
AP Headline of the Day
"French Tobacco Vendors Fight New Taxes"
I smell a new epic subject for Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
The explanatory crutch of curses, or, Reason # 3,427 to root for the Yankees tonight
The poor Florida Marlins. They sport the best record in baseball since May 23rd, several good young pitchers, barrels of speed and fortitude, and the best catcher in the history of the game. But if they beat the Red Sox in the World Series, will anyone notice? They will have won another series in which the biggest story is the continued, dependable, bizarre failure of another franchise.
Vanquishing the Yankees would seem the only way for the Marlins to become the enduring headline of this postseason (well, other than the Pedro-Zimmer incident; for which Pedro still hasn't apologized, the class act that he is). That hardly seems fair, but that's what happens when curses are embraced as explanations. Don't get me wrong, I'm not above chanting "1918!" at my TV tonight -- for hours on end, if necessary -- and relishing it, but the Cubs didn't lose that series because of the fan who blocked Alou's path. They lost because of Gonzalez's error at shortstop in Game 6, and because of Kerry Wood's subpar performance last night, and because they scored just three runs after the third inning in Games 6 and 7 combined. Likewise, the Red Sox won't lose tonight because Babe Ruth's ghost is cranky. . . .They'll lose for fifty other reasons. Go Yanks.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
AP Headline of the Day
"Town Hires Dog to Keep Geese From Park"
Do you really "hire" a dog to do anything? Was the dog considering other employment possibilities?
Monday, October 13, 2003
I, for one, would like to welcome our new monkey overlords.
From a story making its way around the wires today:
"Scientists in North Carolina have built a brain implant that lets monkeys control a robotic arm with their thoughts, marking the first time that mental intentions have been harnessed to move a mechanical object. The technology could someday allow people with paralyzing spinal cord injuries to operate machines or tools with their thoughts as naturally as others today do with their hands."
Um, I mean, hurrah for paralyzed people and all that, but isn't the bigger story here that MONKEYS CAN ALTER THE MATERIAL WORLD WITH THEIR THOUGHTS?! I'll start digging the underground bunker; you guys stock up on the canned goods and meet me down there...
Boston punkery
I'll christen this blog (which blog is probably a mistake of considerable proportions, but more on that later) with some baseball talk.
I marvel at the fact that despite working in midtown Manhattan and living in Brooklyn, I am surrounded by adamant Red Sox supporters. Did someone airlift Cambridge here without telling me? Or has legendarily cut-throat NY mutated into a city sympathetic to lovable losers in some post-9/11 fog of misplaced generosity? Whatever the explanation, I shudder.
The infestation of Boston fans did lead to some high-grade entertainment over the weekend, though, as otherwise sane, sensitive friends of mine leapt to the defense of heartless punks Pedro Martinez and Manny Ramirez. After Pedro's three or four gross violations of decency on Saturday, I'm left wondering what it takes to get kicked out of a baseball game -- perhaps choosing a random elderly woman from the crowd and flaying her on the pitcher's mound? Dear lord.
You don't have to wonder about centurylong curses when players choose to lose their minds -- plunking hitters with men on base and angering Roger Clemens are not sound ways to win playoff games. If you stubbornly refuse to give up the idea of a jinx, rest assured that tossing Zim to the ground should tack on another 80 years or so. Red Sox in 2084!!
